DHHG Profiles In Cleaning

Part of an on-going series exploring our country's great history of cleanliness:

Missy Swiffer

I'm Dreaming of a Brand New Kitchen ...

(An ode to kitchen renovation, with apologies to Irving Berlin)

I’m dreaming of a brand new kitchen
Just like the ones on HGTV
If the contractor will listen, how the granite will glisten
How envious my neighbor will be!

Oh, I’m dreaming a new kitchen
With every single check I write
May your spouse let you win every fight,
And may your kitchen renovation be just right!

Merry Christmas from the Department of Homeland Homes and Gardens!

Christmas Lights: A Cautionary Tale

This is your Christmas light display:



This is your Christmas light display on drugs:



Please visit Ugly Christmas Lights for more examples.

Greetings From Our Dear Leader

A special holiday message from our Dear Leader, Secretary Kenneth H. Kenneth:

Season's Greetings from the DHHG!

NEW PILLOW REGULATIONS

Due to the urgent pillow shortage, the Department of Homeland Homes and Gardens has enacted emergency legislation aimed at pillow conservation. As of January 1, 2006, the new law forbids the use of more than two (2) pillows per bed per household. Violation of this law may result in fine and/or imprisonment. Please refer to DHHG booklet PPU23-42 for further information.

ILLEGAL:


















LEGAL:

THIS YEAR'S MOST REQUESTED GIFT

Forget Xbox.

According to Google, the number one requested gift of the year is this tissue dispenser. Coordinates with any decor. Better order yours now!

DHHG Bans Overalls, Proposes Dress Code

The DHHG has gone on the offensive about offensive clothing. Read about the proposed Remodelers Dress Code:

Remodelers Dress Code