The Department of Homeland Homes and Gardens
Fighting the war against the terror of home decor
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
I'm Dreaming of a Brand New Kitchen ...
(An ode to kitchen renovation, with apologies to Irving Berlin)
I’m dreaming of a brand new kitchen
Just like the ones on HGTV
If the contractor will listen, how the granite will glisten
How envious my neighbor will be!
Oh, I’m dreaming a new kitchen
With every single check I write
May your spouse let you win every fight,
And may your kitchen renovation be just right!
Merry Christmas from the Department of Homeland Homes and Gardens!
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Christmas Lights: A Cautionary Tale
This is your Christmas light display:
This is your Christmas light display on drugs:
Please visit Ugly Christmas Lights for more examples.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Greetings From Our Dear Leader
A special holiday message from our Dear Leader, Secretary Kenneth H. Kenneth:
Season's Greetings from the DHHG!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
NEW PILLOW REGULATIONS
Due to the urgent pillow shortage, the Department of Homeland Homes and Gardens has enacted emergency legislation aimed at pillow conservation. As of January 1, 2006, the new law forbids the use of more than two (2) pillows per bed per household. Violation of this law may result in fine and/or imprisonment. Please refer to DHHG booklet PPU23-42 for further information.
ILLEGAL:
LEGAL:
Friday, December 02, 2005
Thursday, December 01, 2005
DHHG Bans Overalls, Proposes Dress Code
The DHHG has gone on the offensive about offensive clothing. Read about the proposed Remodelers Dress Code:
Remodelers Dress Code