What Took So Long?

AP - today

WASHINGTON - All over the country people are asking why it took so long for relief to reach hurricane-ravaged areas.

Secretary Kenneth H. Kenneth of the Department of Homeland Homes and Gardens offers one explanation. "As soon as we realized the scope of the devastation, I put a call out to our General Contractor. I left a message on his cell phone. I also called his office and the woman there told me he was 'at another job site.' I tried his pager but it was off. In the course of the next two days I left several more messages. I'm still waiting for the GC to call back."

Kenneth promises that the Army Corps. of Decorators is ready to mobilize as soon as needed, bringing drapery, paint color and accessory advice to those affected by the hurricane. "All those people in shelters should take some comfort in knowing that professional government decorating advice is on its way to them. We are also sending thousands of style guides with tips on things like creating pleasing photo arrangements and selecting the proper size lighting fixtures. I suggest that while people are sitting around in the refugee centers, they take a little time to study these guides."

Kenneth also stressed that this should be a reminder to all Americans of the importance of having a Family Emergency Decor Plan. "Immediately after a disaster such as this, you may not be able to think clearly. What is the name of your kitchen granite? Where did you get your cabinet knobs? These types of crucial details should be recorded somewhere. We urge all Americans to take a few moments to make a list and file it with your other important papers in a safe place."

The DHHG stands ready to join the rest of the government in offering relief from this national disaster.